Some hotels are just a place to crash after a long day of sightseeing. This is not one of them. No, this is not a crash pad. This is a living, breathing, Instagram-filtered fantasy where the spirit of 1970s Marbella has been resurrected, dressed in yellow-gold, handed a spritz, and let loose beside a tastefully-designed pool. Let me set the scene: I arrived expecting a high-end beach hotel. I left with a slight tan, a mild addiction to Escondido’s aguachile, and a new lease on life that includes daily social hours, retro architecture appreciation, and the occasional existential crisis about why house doesn’t smell like a Diptyque candle.
Disco Balls, But Make It Mediterranean
Walking into the hotel is like stumbling into a Slim Aarons photo shoot—if Slim Aarons had Wi-Fi and a Spotify playlist curated by José Carlos García. Every corner is designed to speak and tell you “You’re not in Kansas anymore.”
There are sunburst mirrors. Geometric tiles. Books that say “art” more loudly than they actually inform. And a color palette so committed to joy, I briefly considered licking the walls just to see if they tasted like citrus.
Where Time, Inhibitions, and Your Credit Card Limit Disappear
Ah, la piscina. A place where poolside posing is a competitive sport, and the only thing more important than SPF is your outfit’s ability to match the parasols. Here, I discovered that drinking a cocktail called “Mediterranean Muse” in a striped deckchair counts as self-care. At Costa Club, the pool bar, the cocktails are so good they should come with a warning and a floatie. Between the jungle-chic surroundings and the occasional celebrity spotting (or very convincing lookalike), I half expected Sean Connery to rise from a cabana and offer me a martini.
Mid-Century Marbella Meets Modern Wellness Influencer
My room was one part “Andy Warhol at a beach house” and one part “wellness retreat for design snobs.” A yoga mat? Check. Beach paddles? Obviously. A fan you could hypnotize yourself with? Yes, and I did.
But the real MVPs? The Diptyque amenities. After showering with their fig-scented soap, I briefly considered quitting my job and becoming a perfumer. Or at the very least, never leaving the bathroom.
Michelin-Starred Hedonism
If you’re looking for culinary restraint, turn around now. The gastronomic offering here is what happens when a Michelin-starred chef says “you know what this dish needs? More everything.” Azul is the kind of place where you “just stop by for a snack” and leave three hours later full of tostas and existential joy. And Jara? Jara is where vegetables go to be canonized. I had clams that made me emotional. I smiled at a carabinero chorizo situation that could only be described as scrumptious. And then there’s the rooftop, Escondido, which should honestly be the main event. The view? Unreal. The tacos? Life-changing. The vibe? Somewhere between “Tulum on a Tuesday” and “Marbella at magic hour with a side of mezcal.”
Welcome to the Cult
I came for the design. I stayed because I was emotionally adopted by the staff. From the front desk to the bartender who remembered my name and my gin preferences, everyone exuded a level of charm usually reserved for royal entourages or very enthusiastic cult leaders. Special shoutout to the Social Hour—every day at 5 p.m., when the wine flows, the conversations start, and you begin to wonder if this is all just a beautiful dream you’re having in a dip-in-the-pool coma.
It’s a Dog’s Paradise too
If you travel with a pet, prepare to be shamed by how good they have it here. Dogs will be greeted with a bed, custom menu, and more amenities than I had in my first loft.
Book Now, Regret Nothing
Kimpton Los Monteros is a lifestyle. One that includes poolside posing, food that makes you rethink your life choices, and rooms that whisper, “You were made for this.” Come for the sun. Stay for the stories. And maybe, just maybe, never leave.
By Lucas Raven, a Traveler Who Can Now Only Sleep on Diptyque-Scented Pillows.
